I never got to be arrogant!

When I was in school, teachers were THE LAW. Even more of THE LAW than my parents; although my Dad could certainly give them a run for their money.

The time he went a-hollerin' to the school board and the District Supervisor over my spelling test quite shook up my view of the universe. Dad won the battle, the teacher capitulated, and "I" got the mark I had deserved in the first place.

But it was still the grownups who were THE LAW.

It wasn't until I was in university, working as a chambermaid, that it finally dawned on me that NOT all grownups were particularly bright. Since the one in question was my boss, then, with all due respect, grownups were still THE LAW.

This simple state of being a rule-follower (as long as the rule-makers made sense) was tempered by the understanding that when I had enough experience, I would become one of the rule-makers, and life would continue in this fashion of unchanging change.

Concurrent with this state of mind was the notion that great art needed emotional content borne of experience. Ordinary art simply required technical skill, which could be easily mastered.

Obviously, no average 20-something could acheive great emotional maturity, unless they happened to be American during Vietnam, or other severely mitigating circumstances. But the average rule-following little girl could safely be cocooned until, bit by bit, she could manage the most intense life experiences.

Only then, and with a good education, could one consider bringing depth, wisdom and maturity to a creative act.

Of course, I would be conscious of my now-grown-up role of THE LAW, and be graciously arrogant as the wisdom of my years flowed over the new generation, who would acquiesce to my great fund of knowledge and experience, unquestioning my authority as they found their way to pinnacles of achievement.

Something happened while I was learning that sex and love were not always the same thing. The reasons for breaking up a marriage weren't the same good reasons for breaking up with a boyfriend. I came close to losing my own life while creating new life. Uncomprehending the loss of the one person who was never supposed to die.

I am never going to be THE LAW. Sadly, many many people live lives with the warmth and depth of spilled coffee. They know it all, they have it all, they remain innocent of what could be. I suspect a good many will blithely stay that way, and proceed accordingly. I don't want to be THE LAW any more, which does not sadden me.

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I so much wanted to give that moment, that spark, that glory of creativity away. The importance of little questions with significant consequences. Consciousness of how little we do know, and the glory to be found in that small knowledge. For some unknown reason, I wanted to give that away, and I thought, at one time, when I was THE LAW, I could do that.